Thursday, October 14, 2004
Do they Serve Beer at Skateland
Well, my fancy won't be too tickled tonight. I've got to take the lad to Skateland. It seems some sinister and evil cabal of parents have thought it would be fun to get his whole school together at an indoor roller skating rink in the San Fernando Valley. Think Chuckie Cheese but louder and the little cretins are on wheels and twice as fast. I'll be watching parents who don't look too good walking in wheel-less shoes try to look good keeping up with the tots out on a hard wooden floor to the beat of bad music. I'll be deciding whether to eat the pizza made three weeks ago in Riverside or the foot long pencil thin weenie. I'll desperately search the menu board for any hint of beer. It won't be there and I'll have to ask the multiple pierced zit farm in an apron just to be sure. I'll get stuck talking to the same mom I had to talk to at the Laser Tag place last spring. She'll pick up were she left off... (her son's a basket case and you're going to read about him in about ten years the same way we did about Jeffrey Dahlmer and Son of Sam).
I don't do well at these kinds of events without my wife. When she's with me at such functions we're ensuring a long conversation with St. Peter at the pearly gates to explain our uncharitable characterizations and judgments of our fellow human beings. But the fruit hangs so low at these places! The pitches are right over the plate and fat as melons! It's hard for us not to. Oh, I'll miss her tonight
Perhaps I can find a familiar disgruntled face among the parents and coax him into joining me on the tailgate of the truck in the parking lot for a couple of beers and a bag of burritos. -WB